How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back 12/16/2010
Hey there girl, welcome to my page!
I'm Brit. I'm glad you found me. =) And I am pretty sure you will be too..If you are reading this it's probably because you want to get your ex boyfriend or husband back.
Well, you came to the right place. =)
I started this page because of what I went through after my boyfriend broke up with me. That honestly was the loneliest time of my life.. And not just because he left me!
So I want to give back to the community of people who helped me to get him back, for good =)
You see, I was 100% sure I wanted him back. No doubt about it. I just made some terrible, stupid mistakes in our relationship, and I needed to fix it.
But my "real life" friends and family tried to help me by saying "just let it go, there are plenty of fish in the sea". I know mom, I get enough attention from guys, but it's HIM I want back!
Or: "He's just not that into you" (Duh.. we had been together for 2 years, YES he was into me!).
They meant well. They gave me the advice they thought was best for me. But if you are like me, dead-set on getting back the guy of your dreams, you need something different altogether. You don't need advice to get over him - you need advice to get him back!
If you want the advice that I got, which helped me more than anything in the world, then Go watch this video. That's THE #1 advice I have for you.
And before I say anything else let me tell you that everything's gonna be okay.
How I can say that? Very simple: I say that because it's true! Before I tell you anything else, believe me that everything is going to turn out fine in your life. Things are not wrecked forever, even if they are wrecked now. Not in the fairy tale sense. We both know you're not going to be rescued by your fairy godmother here. But you're gonna fix this problem, and look good doing it.
Now, like I said I made this page because I went through a very difficult time apart from someone I love very much, and everyone I spoke with about getting him back, told me to give up.
I knew that giving up wasn't going to solve anything; I knew what I wanted and I knew there had to be a way to get it, and I knew that if they weren't gonna tell me how to get it I'd just have to figure it out for myself.
I'm Brit. I'm glad you found me. =) And I am pretty sure you will be too..If you are reading this it's probably because you want to get your ex boyfriend or husband back.
Well, you came to the right place. =)
I started this page because of what I went through after my boyfriend broke up with me. That honestly was the loneliest time of my life.. And not just because he left me!
So I want to give back to the community of people who helped me to get him back, for good =)
You see, I was 100% sure I wanted him back. No doubt about it. I just made some terrible, stupid mistakes in our relationship, and I needed to fix it.
But my "real life" friends and family tried to help me by saying "just let it go, there are plenty of fish in the sea". I know mom, I get enough attention from guys, but it's HIM I want back!
Or: "He's just not that into you" (Duh.. we had been together for 2 years, YES he was into me!).
They meant well. They gave me the advice they thought was best for me. But if you are like me, dead-set on getting back the guy of your dreams, you need something different altogether. You don't need advice to get over him - you need advice to get him back!
If you want the advice that I got, which helped me more than anything in the world, then Go watch this video. That's THE #1 advice I have for you.
And before I say anything else let me tell you that everything's gonna be okay.
How I can say that? Very simple: I say that because it's true! Before I tell you anything else, believe me that everything is going to turn out fine in your life. Things are not wrecked forever, even if they are wrecked now. Not in the fairy tale sense. We both know you're not going to be rescued by your fairy godmother here. But you're gonna fix this problem, and look good doing it.
Now, like I said I made this page because I went through a very difficult time apart from someone I love very much, and everyone I spoke with about getting him back, told me to give up.
I knew that giving up wasn't going to solve anything; I knew what I wanted and I knew there had to be a way to get it, and I knew that if they weren't gonna tell me how to get it I'd just have to figure it out for myself.
Follow Your Gut.. Not!
They told me any relationship that suffers a breakup wasn't 'meant to be' to begin with. That ONLY applies if you follow fairy tale logic and believe it. Yes, relationships that have breakup trouble DO have issues, but far worse are the relationships that don't end when they should, don't you think? I do. Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is, don't listen to them. If you think the breakup was a fluke, and not the relationship, it's time to take control of your life and get things back how YOU want them, not how the darker side of the fairy tale ending says it oughta be.
Before I say anything else let me say again: relax. Deep breaths, happy place, Starbucks—whatever you gotta do, get as happy as you can. We're going to be open and honest and we're going to look at the problem and we're going to talk about it, and you have to feel hope.
It's much easier to feel hope when you're happy. I know part of you is feeling miserable, but we're going to try to put that part aside as best we can so we can be hopeful and get things done. Right? RIGHT!
First things first:
Do not go with your gut!!
I can't stress this enough. Your instincts are working against you full time right now. Don't let them mess you up.
Usually it's safe to go with your instincts on things. Most of the time, things don't require thought so much as a bit of wise impulse—this is not one of those times. Not at all.
Breakups bring out the worst in both parties, no matter who instigated the breakup or why. These feelings last for a long time and they are NOT the things that will help you get your boyfriend back. They are far more likely to drive you farther apart than pull you back together, and this guide is mostly going to be about NOT letting that happen.
Three Important Rules
You need to stop, you need to think, and you need to set yourself some ground rules to go by. If you don't do this, you'll fall prey to your emotions—and not the good ones!
You won't be acting on the happy emotions that brought you together with your man to begin with, but on the very worst of your emotions that you usually keep hidden away where they can't get you. Don't do this!
This article won't be short, and I'm sorry that I can't keep it concise, but breakups are really, really delicate situations. But they are not hopeless.
Don't ever let anyone tell you it's over—you're the only one who can decide that it's over, and if you're reading this, you know as well as I do that it's not over yet, and that's the first step to getting him back: don't give up.
You are the master of your own destiny. Corny? Yes. True? MORE YES.
The simplest way to keep your emotions in check is to set yourself logical ground rules, and use your head to keep your heart from mucking things up.
Walt Disney and co will tell you that you should just follow your heart to happiness and whatnot. Walt also tells you that your animal friends will help you out with your dress and that Prince Charming's gonna sweep you off your feet. I'm sure you know a few girls that think like that—how's that workin' out for 'em? Yeah, thought so.
Use your head, your heart's a lying jerkface.
I had a whole complicated list of do's and dont's for myself to make do with, but over time, with the help of hundreds of other girls I met online who've been through the same thing, I've narrowed it down to the three most important rules. One good thing about being an impromptu relationship guru: lots of data to work with. If you have heard as many breakup and makeup stories as I have, you get to see what works and what doesn't.
So without further ado, the ground rules to get your ex boyfriend back!
You won't be acting on the happy emotions that brought you together with your man to begin with, but on the very worst of your emotions that you usually keep hidden away where they can't get you. Don't do this!
This article won't be short, and I'm sorry that I can't keep it concise, but breakups are really, really delicate situations. But they are not hopeless.
Don't ever let anyone tell you it's over—you're the only one who can decide that it's over, and if you're reading this, you know as well as I do that it's not over yet, and that's the first step to getting him back: don't give up.
You are the master of your own destiny. Corny? Yes. True? MORE YES.
The simplest way to keep your emotions in check is to set yourself logical ground rules, and use your head to keep your heart from mucking things up.
Walt Disney and co will tell you that you should just follow your heart to happiness and whatnot. Walt also tells you that your animal friends will help you out with your dress and that Prince Charming's gonna sweep you off your feet. I'm sure you know a few girls that think like that—how's that workin' out for 'em? Yeah, thought so.
Use your head, your heart's a lying jerkface.
I had a whole complicated list of do's and dont's for myself to make do with, but over time, with the help of hundreds of other girls I met online who've been through the same thing, I've narrowed it down to the three most important rules. One good thing about being an impromptu relationship guru: lots of data to work with. If you have heard as many breakup and makeup stories as I have, you get to see what works and what doesn't.
So without further ado, the ground rules to get your ex boyfriend back!
Rule Number One - Stay Strong!
Strong! Stronger! Yes!
"Brit," you say, "How can I be strong? He was my everything!" No, say I! (Maybe you don't think he was your everything—if you don't, good, you're a leg up! Keep reading.)
He dated you in the first place because he found YOU interesting. For him to be your everything, you would have to be nothing. My point is, you may have leaned on him, but being without him temporarily doesn't deprive you of any of your natural resilience. Woman up! You don't need him to hold together. You don't. You don't!
And more pertinently: if you did, he wouldn't want you.
Think about it. No man would ever, ever date a girl out of pity. People date people for the wrong reasons a lot of the time, but pity is never one of those reasons. It's not even one of the wrong reasons. If you crawl to him, if you implode without him, the only thing he'll be able to feel for you is pity--and if he feels pity, you've lost it, girl.
Be strong and stay strong.
Rule Number Two - Limit Contact
Or in other words: Don't harass your ex boyfriend.
Keep yourself away from the source of the pain. This is for multiple reasons. The first is that, simply put, it will help you be strong: while distance does not alleviate the hurt you feel right now, it does diminish it. Trying to hold on to what was there before when it isn't actually there will only make the hurt deeper and worse.
Secondly, it will prevent you from being labeled as clingy. This ties in with the first as well. If you come across as needy or weak, the only reason he'd want to date you again is, simply put, a sense of obligation. Obligation will lead to resentment. It's something to be avoided like the bubonic plague.
I know, you want to get in touch with him—how can you repair your relationship if you don't talk to him? But you need to put the brakes on that instinct right quick.
Guys do not thrive on contact the way girls do. He won't see it as charming or emotionally intimate, he'll see it in harsher terms, as 'stalking' or 'harassment'.
And here's the kicker:
If you keep in touch whether he likes it or not, he'll never get the chance to miss you.
The relationship can't be an obligation for either of you; if he doesn't pursue a reconciliation because he WANTS it, you're just looking at another painful breakup down the road. And neither of you want that.
Rule Number Three - Focus On Your Own Life
If you're anything like me, your relationship WAS your life. Devotion to the one your with is, almost universally, an admirable quality. I'm not going to dispute that. But it does become a liability in certain circumstances.
It might seem impossible to get your ex boyfriend back if you're not focusing on doing so, but really, this is just an indirect means to that end: if you're focusing on other parts of your life, you're not focusing on how much it hurts to miss him.
That means that it'll be easier to stay strong (Ground Rule One) and not harass him (Ground Rule Two).
See how they all interlock? It's why we picked these three rules. =)
Being in control of your life will make you feel far better. Beyond that, it will show your boyfriend that you have moved on.
You know what that does? It makes him miss you like nothing else.
And if he misses you, he wants you back just as badly as you want him back.
And that's when, for lack of a less cliched phrase, the healing can begin.
Already Made A Mess..?
But wait—I messed up! I broke all the rules!
It's okay! Almost everyone does. It's natural. The three ground rules listed here are exactly the opposite of any girl's instincts in this situation. It's why you have to make the mental decision, rather than the emotional decision, to stick to them. Hope is not lost!
If you're feeling lousy, now's the time to buck up.
If you're bugging him, now's the time to stop.
If the breakup is running your life, now's the time to take control.
There is no relationship that cannot be repaired if there was any joy in it to begin with. Breakups happen when a person thinks they feel worse in the relationship than out of it. Girls usually feel out of whack long before guys do, though not always—but when both members of the relationship realize what they're missing, there's another chance for reconciliation.
How Amanda And James Broke Up
Let me give you a for-instance. I was able to get permission from two friends of friends (who are now my friends!) to use their story as an example. I get to use their real first names, too! (I think that's kinda neat, most people are squeamish about that sort of thing).
James and Amanda dated for over six months before falling out. All of their friends had agreed that they were an excellent match for each other, but occasionally, through gossip and compared notes, they realized that James had a few problems with Amanda that Amanda, not so surprisingly, had in turn for James. Both felt the other was holding back emotionally.
Speaking to them both after the fact, I learned that they both thought they were doing the right thing by not sharing some of their emotional impulses. These weren't anything big or game-breaking, so to speak, they were just little things: James would sometimes be five minutes early, when Amanda needed the time to get ready (but thought she was being polite by not saying anything); Amanda made James uncomfortable with what he took as unneeded fashion advice (when Amanda was merely pointing out clothes his size that she liked objectively, without trying to hint; James followed this as though it was advice, though he felt capable of selecting his own wardrobe).
Neither of these are a big deal, at all. Not even a little. Amanda easily could have said 'Honey, could you give me a few minutes on the margins next time so I'm not half-dressed', but didn't. James easily could have said 'Thank you for your advice, honey, but I'm not trying to expand my wardrobe'. If Amanda had spoken up, James (who was trying to be fashionably early, on the ball and anti-late) would have had no problem giving her a minute or five. If James had spoken up, Amanda could explain that she knew he wasn't twelve and didn't need the help, and that the words 'Ooh, I like that shirt' literally meant nothing but that she liked that shirt.
They both tickle each other over this now so I don't mind calling them silly for doing this. Does this sound familiar? Ever been a little too polite a little too long?
Neither of these issues led to their 'taking a break'. What did it was a financial misunderstanding. I'm not going to go into the gory details, as I'm sure you already know that money can bring out the worst in people. I'm also not going to tell you who suggested they take time apart, because it's not important.
Here's what happened.
Amanda couldn't abide being away from James, at all. She decided that, if she showed him that she couldn't cope, he'd feel driven to call off the break (since she didn't want to take the lead). She called him more often than she did when they were formally dating, and in fact made him the sole focus of her life, letting her academics suffer.
Sound familiar? That's right, she broke all three rules. It's okay, she didn't know what they were, so we'll forgive her.
The funny thing? James:
1. Decided he couldn't stand 'taking a break' and collapsed in on himself, becoming extremely depressed and ultimately getting a C on a midterm he should have aced.
2. Took days off from work to hang around campus with Amanda.
3. Made Amanda the sole, lonely focus of his life, letting his academics suffer.
Yeah. He broke all three rules too! What? Boys can be silly just as much as girls can, when they're not obsessed with being macho.
Ultimately, their mutual clinginess and frustration with their own lives and each other's lives led them to an out-and-out fight. This time it wasn't 'taking a break', it was 'breaking up'. Really the same thing, but you know how technical these things are.
How Amanda And James Got Back Together
By this time, our mutual friend had contacted me (since I've somehow become the local therapist) and asked for my advice. I shared the three rules with Amanda, as I couldn't get in touch with James.
After three weeks, Amanda landed herself a part-time job and an internship with the local congressman. She stayed strong, she didn't chase James, and she poured herself into her career. As much luck as goes into the job market these days, you can't deny that that was a product of good, healthy effort.
And James? When he stopped chasing Amanda, he realized that he was able to hold together perfectly fine on his own. He worked with his professor, pulled extra credit and repaired his grade. He finished his class with the highest score out of any of his peers with a grade percentage of 104%. He made the dean's list.
After that semester, James couldn't help but feel that he really, really wanted to call Amanda and brag. They had shared victories before they started dating, as well, but he knew she had been keeping out of touch with him. It wasn't that she told him to keep away, but that she hadn't been making contact. After just three days James couldn't take it anymore. He missed her. He wanted to know, in her own words, what she was up to. So he called her up.
They were back together before the end of the night. No joke.
And today, they laugh about it. They laugh about everything they've grown out of and pushed past, because now it doesn't hurt them anymore. It didn't leave any lasting scar on their relationship, it was just a phase of a few weeks that forced them to do their best on their own terms, and it helped to make them even better people. Their relationship (about a year later as of the time of this writing) is stronger than it ever was before. They're taking things slow. They're both pursuing Masters' degrees and they both hold down jobs to pay for their books. They're comfortable and they couldn't be happier to back each other up the way they do.
...and because I'm mean I have to say it is SO RIDICULOUSLY CUTE when James gets tickled, he laughs like a goose!! I'm not sorry for saying so, James, it's cute. (It's way less annoying than it sounds, if I can get a sound clip I will. Seriously. Of course, James IS going into some kind of law, so, maybe not...)
I<3U James and Amanda. <3
Sorry for that, back to the point!
As you can see:
Breaking the three ground rules isn't a death sentence, not even when BOTH members of the relationship do it. It just isn't, so don't panic if you did.
Following the three ground rules is an excellent way to repair things indirectly. They are not a magic spell that make him come running back, nor are they a magic spell that makes him open his arms so you can run back to him. They are an effective means by which to regulate one's own human instincts and thus put both people in a relationship in the right place to get back together.
You see? You do. Do you believe me now that it's gonna be okay? You should. 'cause it will. And if you don't believe me, that's fine too, 'cause the last laugh's gonna be mine when everything turns out perfectly fine for everyone involved. That's right—you're gonna be just fine, and there's nothing you can do about it. =)
Feel free to leave a comment below. And if you want more help, make sure to check out this great video which has helped me TONS to get my guy back: Go watch this video. I wish you best of luck, and lots of love!
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